So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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