Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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