If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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