i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
