He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
