just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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