And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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