she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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