i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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