He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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