and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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