It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
