Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
