She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
