i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
