True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
