For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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