I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
