Little spoons don't ask big questions
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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