I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish I only lived at night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
