Ambien. No doubt about it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
