shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
