So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
