did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
