my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
