i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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