You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
