the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
