erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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