im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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