Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
People in love make me want to vomit
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
