i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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