Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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