My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
