You smell like stripper and shame
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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