Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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