he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
