My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
