and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
