I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
