Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
