Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
