I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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