the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
