I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
