party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
