If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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