We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
