Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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