Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
