If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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