i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
