hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
