In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
