just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
