when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
