i can't believe i had my finger in that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
