so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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