if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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