if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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