the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
