The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
