I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
