You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
