I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize