She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
