just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
40s are totally the cure
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
