Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
