you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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