U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
