Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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