i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
