Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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