their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My pussy is not your playground.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
