i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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