I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
