For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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