Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
