a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry about my life...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
