ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
