dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
