it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
