You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
