did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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