I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
