I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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