Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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