just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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