So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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