he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
