Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
