I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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