i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize