u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
