I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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