I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
