just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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