Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
