Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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