He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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