and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
