Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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