remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
