whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize