i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
