Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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