Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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