Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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