I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
