I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
