plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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