five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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