Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
