god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
