shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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