It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
