Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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