Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
