this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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