Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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