I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
