Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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