dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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