omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
