...so i touched it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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