woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
