I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
