the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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