I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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