I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
