i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
